Thursday, February 28, 2008 Y Thursday, February 28, 2008
2 Weeks le, today i really had enough, after school really explode liao. Big deal la, go Ah Fat hse play mahjong, Fine, im jealous so what? Jiaye, I bet you will soon know what is the feeling of being XXXX! F3, Today i finally know alot of stuffs that i never imagine, this is so coooooooooooool! Anyway, i no mood till i treat Whye Keat eat waffle, treat Genie a drink and Jessie a plate of carrot cake. LOL~ Haii, what to do, Jiaye not my boyfriend anymore also, i cant care so much what, since he always say this to me. Hello, im worried, i dont want you to get hurt though you never knew how hard it was for me to get on with me life this few days. I'm just being strong on the outside, but deep down im like so fucking hurt? Alot of them think im crazy to be looking so happy when this kind of things happen, i agree but if i show that im sad, who cares too. Jiaye dont fucking care ok! I'm still waiting and watching how long Shermin will go on with this, and i'm sure if Jiaye got hurt because of her, i dont know what i may do but i hope it would be fast for her to be frank to Jiaye if she dont like him. Short pain rather than Long pain right, That was broken english cause i suddenly forgotten what it is called in english. I dont wanna see Jiaye suffer la, and if you dont liked him, stop being so #$&@#*&$ lah and make him think that you dont like him. This is stupid, so what if you 2 got together, i know i'll be jealous but i rather i suffer it myself. And getting angry over him not replying you a msg, this is atrocious la, you are yet his girlfriend, and i never was angry with him when he dont reply me. Acting like what, people still need go over to your class explain to you that he slept early, phone spoilt that's why never reply you and say Sorry? WTH? I really can go vomit la, i dont hate you, but i hate your attitude now. I dont really want to care la, but i had enough of you 2 de nonsense la, stupid hell man. Dont like say dont like, Like jiu say like, stop wasting time la. I see le also tired! Brainless sia. I'm angry but i still wish to help, and let you 2 understand what it is like to be BETRAY, get it? Hate me also can, i dont really care just hope you WAKE UP UR iDEA, if 1 day you have a good friend too and your boyfriend broke up with you because he like him, what will you really feel and think siol~ GO THINK AND REFLECT! I go do homework le, wasting my time on thinking what will happen later, who knows if you 2 will get together anot later, and if it did, i wish you 2 dont last! Blahs~ Blog later`~!Labels: Haii, i'm starting to go speechless..
Wednesday, February 27, 2008 Y Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I'm home and is fucking pissed now. She gave him a letter wrote in some language, guess it's a way that i cant read it? Sighs, it feels like ur good friend snatching your own boyfriend away from you because she is jealous of you the other time we 2 were together. Jiaye's heart is gone flying to Shermin's side. I'm jealous though he keep saying im not his girlfriend anymore, dont you know that the words you say are hurting. The letters i wrote last time, you just kept it in your bag and i guess never ever read them. Arghh, i really very pek cek man, so many of my friends now have Bfs/Gfs while im in a break up. This is not fair la, why must it be me? 你快乐我就开心. Sighs, but than my heart keep telling me that im not happy. 爱我别走是你决定我的伤心. And you left which lead me into a broken heart. 爱上了你,我不后悔. Because you were the one who let me understand what true love was. No matter what i'll wait, unless there's really a better guy out there waiting for me, and hope that will make you regret. Eyeing for a guy now for me is like go to hell, i rather waste my time looking at you. Noone appreciates my effort after what i've done. Being betray by your friend is also a sickening thing. Now is like kind of flirt to see you 2, one being my ex-bf and one being my good friend. This is disgusting! Love is blind and torturing for me, yet i still love you like before even if you say you hate me and regretted loving me. How i hope you would accompany me for a movie this week, but i can just dream on as you will think that you let Shermin down. Blahs~Labels: P.S I LOVE YOU
Y Wednesday, February 27, 2008
1 Week 6 Days le, I'm in school now doing F&N now in com lab. I'm also talking to ling ling about our own LOVESTORY! LOL! She's being a insane women now as she saw alot of Heart heart things. Crazy Women! xD anw, I finally know her SECRET, but i wont tell anyone. HEHE~ Dream on asking me, i wont tell you all. WAHAHAHA! Jiaye was abit, no not abit is alot, very sad over what he recieve the msg from her ytd as he told me. Though i'm also sad la, cause all i wanted was him to be happy now. And so what if it's heartbreaking, at least it's me who is suffering on my own. Okay, though i really admit i dont like being SINGLE, what to do. 'O's this year also, study better, and ling is watching me type every single words now. Jiaye is in class now having Amaths with Shermin, adrian they all. Blahs, not to worry also, i have to fang xia what. English lesson was funny also and abit dirty minded! Adrian, Jiaye and Russell talking about FFing with their girlfriends or future ones? Anyway, i asked Adrian if they were going out on sat, wanted to tag along then staying at home to slack like hell. It's bored being at home and noone asked you out. Getting my new specs on Friday like finally? My eyes are hurting this days, can't really see properly. Okay, im really bored now, i cant see Jiaye either. Heart stop beating that fast now though, as whenever i see him, it always beat faster. Feelings never stop at any point, so what if you dont haveany more feelings towards me. I kind of really envy Melo & Qngwn now..this sweet couple uhh. Sighs* F3 i'm gonna go emo soon man. Back to doing F&N before Ms Lau kills me. Research is due this week? Forgot le. -.- Blog later when i reach home i guess, if i'm free? Too much Homework le. Evening hope there will be miracles ba. Hehe, my little secret! =xLabels: Miracles will happen right?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008 Y Tuesday, February 26, 2008
1 week 5 days le, though we did talked yesterday night, the feelings all were mixed up. I hear his regrets of liking Shermin but he still have the determination in wooing her. I'm just a friend or Ex-girlfriend there to help him in it. Blahs~ School was okay today, didn't really emo off though i was abit worried about bibi & my that si ah kor. I notice i couldn't get my eyes off Jiaye today. Though not many people says that he is very handsome, to me he really is handsome la. Lols, chemistry's practical are fun, but i hate theory as they waste my time one. Mrs Yau didn't come for class today, which means SLACK PERIOD~ WOOHOO! My phone keep shutting down or went black out today for many times and im worried what if i lose all the msges he send to me, i sure CRY! At least those were still memories right? I finally had the mood to eat some food today, guess i lost 1 kg after this depression? Cool uhh, now i think it's a great time for me to shop for clothes, using my own money though. Ended school at 2.10pm and the whole class went out, i'm always the only one left in class during recess or what. Jiaye stayed in class too, chatted abit with him, mood at that time was i hoped time could stop at that time for us and rewind everything. This wont happen so what if i wished for it. His heart now is to Shermin, and so what if she dont likes him, he will still like her yet not me again. His promise is still there, he didnt forget, i only told him that he got time for it, im not in the rush in relationship now. My life still have to go on, and not go back though i love too. I really miss you~ Envying others cant help much to me either. I love you and just hope that you will know it someday.. You're really a sweet boy to me though you are stubborn. Horoscopes analysis for teenage says thing about love which is kind of accurate for myself, Jiaye and Shermin? Who cares. Blog tmr, time for maths locus's question and awhile of maple later.Marcus having Zak on Thur, 28 Feb 2008 at around 1.30pmWished him all the luck in getting Helmed and i'll mega him~Marcus, JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU~See how, i should be there unless some people dont let me go Desmond's house~Jiaye, No matter what happens, i'll never leave you..
Labels: No matter what happens..
Monday, February 25, 2008 Y Monday, February 25, 2008
I'm officially replaced by SOMEONE in Jiaye's heart~ I'm really bleeding now, crying like mad. My heart is totally in pieces and shattering around the floor. I'm really very hurt...Labels: Hurt~
Y Monday, February 25, 2008
1 Wk 4 Days it has been, time keep on passes, nothing has changed in my heart. Jiaye is still Jiaye, Zhiying is still Zhiying. I've been trying to ignore him today, yet i keep turning back to see him. I really miss him too much, Overheard a conversation about them. Heard that Shermin's parents are not going to be home for 3 days? And allows them to come over stay at her house or to play mahjong? Hais, so what if im jealous, if Jiaye ever stays over, i can say it is bias. Jiaye got a new bag, brought in malaysia ba. Ling asked him why he change bag again, while i just said sarcasticly replied: People rich what, of course can keep change bag la~ and he said doesn't mean poor people cant buy, ya right, so what if poor people have money to buy bag but they used it on other stuffs at least their money is used properly la. Kind of anti him for that moment, what to do? I really miss him but had to let go..sighs~ I can swear i really can see that he liked Shermin and im nothing to him. So what if we aren't in a BGR now, doesn't mean that you have to do this to me. SHERMIN, SHERMIN, SHERMIN, everyday i hear her name, im getting abit pissed too. Not because i dont like Shermin la, is just that im too jealous already, when i can just get replaced by her in Jiaye's heart so fast. I feel like nothing but a toy. Blahs~ Even if you end up with Jiaye in the end, i dont know what my mind will tell me and let me think what kind of GOOD FRIEND you are. Guess im just confused too, just too stupid to let Jiaye slip pass me and end up seeing myself being in pain more than him. Rich people with rich people..hmm..think there will be a good relationship, who knows whether the girl wants his money only or the guy who wants the girl's AHEM and heck care his money. Anyway, that's just an example, if that's really true..i really have nothing to comment on further. I can say, I Love Jiaye and not his money~ Only a pure mind of loving him for as long as i can and never see him leaving me. Whatever, this wont happen to me either. HE DONT CARE! FUCKING DONT CARE ONE! I know that as i was with him for so long. Jiaye, where did i lose out to Shermin? She's really better than me, or is it just because you are tired of me? Our memories really can just like that forget, they were all so sweet that i really do miss them. Hopes of you coming back is getting lesser, you dont need me anymore. Im just a past, a past that made you suffer, and im the one suffering now. Cried in class after school, when all of them went out of class, listening to Vanness de Fang Shou, i couldnt control anymore at that time. I couldn't stand it that you could be so happy in class while i have to act as if im happy. You never were anxious over me, never. The sweet smile on ur face is slowly wiping off in my mind, everytime i cried. I knew it's no use crying over you, you wont come back to me. I also know that the feelings sucks to be alone all by myself now. Sighs.
I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS, I MISS KOW JIA YE!!!!!!!
Does he even know that i have a 100 i miss him. I can also see that he got fatter in some ways. My god, am i going crazy? I wanna go to the beach and show out loud like i never shout before and say JIAYE, I WISH YOU HAPPINESS BUT IF YOU EVER FIND BACK YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME, REMEMBER I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU!=]A song i've been listening lately, 不值得 by dreamzFM.不值得
除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记整理心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你这种回忆
不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你
除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记打开心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你
Jiaye, Will you ever come back?
Labels: Alot of i miss you..
Sunday, February 24, 2008 Y Sunday, February 24, 2008
1 week 3 days, im awake now, it's 10.36am. Blahs, whole night i couldn't sleep well. Whenever i close my eyes and really get into sleep, Jiaye keep popping out in my mind or dreams which actually made me to cry myself to sleep silently. Listen to alot of love songs which i emo myself. I really do miss the past, miss him saying good night to me every night before bed. I still can't take the truth that he like Shermin. God, you are evil to me and good to me, i know you wanted me to study hard this year which make this break up happen, but you never knew it will be so hard for me to get over it, that's very evil but i cant blame you. It's my own feelings which cause myself to be like this now. I really gonna collaspe soon, this is too tiring and i have to show him the other side of me which is so fake. I miss the last hug, the last kiss, the last msg, everything we did together. How do you expect me to forget it? You are really very naive to think that after you left me, everything will be okay. Jiaye, you are the one happy now while i suffer in pain alone. Dont you ever understand, everyone is helping you. They all want me to get rid of you in my mind but i chose not too, even if i really am tired, really had enough, i chose not to let go of that small promise. I lost all my confidence like what i told Ivy[bibi], thats hope only, doesn't mean you will do it. I really wonder if you did love me whole heartly last time, the sweet side of you who always gave in to me. Where have you gone too? After being a bit mature, you left? Gosh, im crying again, i am tired, i just want to sleep and never wake up, i dont want to be the only one suffering. So what if im a bitch to you, i'm still a devoted girlfriend you know, i learn my mistakes though im slow in learning, you never gave me a last chance, never did. I want my heart to heal, yet whenever it is starting to heal, it bleed again and go back the same way it is when you broke up with me. I feel foolish for being such a stubborn girl, why must i hold on? You already replace me with another girl already, im nothing now to you, just your friend that you had as a girlfriend for the past 2 yrs. I really feel like slapping you off and let me forget but i know i never had the dare to do so, as i know i'll be hurting inside me. JIAYE DAR, COME BACK HAO MA? sighs, nothing will happen even if i said this, i dont get a chance to say anything in the relationship. You are from a rich family, im in a poor family, Shermin is also in a rich family. If i want to compare this way, i lose out most too. Rich people mostly look down on poor family, they also tend to want a girlfriend or boyfriend who is at the same rank as them. Okay, now i feel stupid, it's like im backstabbing people out there now. Im sorry! 2 weeks later will be our 2 yrs 1 month you know, but we aren't together le, we never did celebrate our monthly together too. Either you are in malaysia, or you have facial, orelse you are just not free.. but at least i still had you beside me. I do miss seeing you at my home, slacking or watching tv with me. Your laugh tends to make my whole family laugh too, whenever you and my sis talked about Xing Ye while you guys play mahjong, it's feels as if we were already a family. Time has changed, this time when you go Japan, i wont get any gifts or new clothes from you, i've been replaced. Ever since i had no new clothes during new year, i think i'll be unlucky for the rest of the year too. This kind of make me hate Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day. 2 Bad lucks in 1 go in a month. Life is unfair, i know that, but it's always fair to you. Why does all the good things happen to you. I've been thinking, if you like Shermin now, why didn't you like her last time, why must it be now. Good friends together? It feels weird now, seeing you 2 being close like what we did last time, even if we were friends before we patch up. Everyone around you guys are so lucky, while i feel being left out and hide at a corner waiting for people to notice me. Guess they think that Shermin will be a better girl for you? Im short, poor, stubborn, stupid, violent, crazy and irritating. Bad points more than good points? She's tall, rich, thin, clever, not so violent, crazy at times, frank and not irritating. Good points more than bad points? I only have true friends like Adeline[Melo], Mei Shien[Misenn], James[Nanoi], Qngwn[Xandus] , Ivy[Bibi], Jeff[Bubu], Dexgun[Sonnie], Eric[Bibujie], Kazu[Grun], Bra[Autumnrainn], Isabelle[Duwee], all my maple friends being there for me, and not forgetting MARCUS, always hearing me out. It's only a sad thing that he keeps brood over Kaijuan, just hope she'll go back to Marcus someday. He's a good guy, it's hard to find, but i'll never like him as his my brother to me only. My heart and mind has alot of things to say to Jiaye which i wont ever have the chance to say it to him ever again. Darling boy, do you know that you are the guy that i've been looking for this few years? So what if there's more handsome guys out there, to me you are already the most handsome guy on earth, even if you got alot of scars or whatever, i will still love you like you will never imagine, it's true. I got to go shower, blog tonight~Jiaye, I'll be waiting...
Labels: Waiting is what i can do now..
Saturday, February 23, 2008 Y Saturday, February 23, 2008
o1 week 2 days, im suffering now in pain and silents. He dont care either, im really bleeding like hell now in my heart. I envy Shermin, envy her having Jiaye to like her. Envy her having Jiaye letting her in everything, while my past was like shit. I really LOVE him till i really bu she de. Haven been eating much this few days, went out with them just now. Which i thought in the first place, Jiaye went out with Adrian they all which is not. He went out with Shermin and her brother to church..guess his not late? I always have to wait 30 mins or what for him..to me, i thought he would say church was boring.. yet he said okay la, not bad lo..can go pei her every sat.My heart is seriously damaged now..bleeding like never before, i hope im dead now. Bibi talked to me on the phone and wanted to speak to him, didnt tell me much on what he said..dont really care too. He's very happy now, i can see..everytime i talked to him, he will just say friends are friends, nothing more. I just said, Shermin's gonna be ur wei lai gf ba, he said maybe not. So what if it's maybe not. It wont be me..so what if you promise me..you'll forget it one day. So what if i put in my effort but you dont see it. I have alot to tell you, but never got a chance, and you wont ever want to hear it. I REALLY LOVE YOU, DO YOU HEAR THAT! KOW JIA YE, I VERY XIN KU NOW, VERY VERY XIN KU, I DONT WANNA BECOS OF YOU, I SUFFER SO MUCH NOW! I'm crying like mad now, noone can hear me out, qngwn keep saying that i still have them as friends. I need a break, a long one, a place where there ain't you, forget everything, but it's really hard, 2 yrs 7 days? My head is spinning now, i think i gonna collapse soon, it's really hard to forget you, i tried forget and it came back again. I really hate you sometimes now, but that shows that i really love you. FAN LA, FAN SI REN LE! Tell me what to do eh, even if i really wanna chat with you like a friend, you never did want to hear me out. Like that you say we friends, i dont even believe lah. I have also been dreaming of you lately, it's really too scary.I miss alot of ur stuffs like you being so close to me,
i took it for granted, though you really would be mine forever,
i miss your hug which was so the warmth i always was looking for,
i miss your kiss which was so sweet i dont wanna stop,
i miss you holding my hand which i dont wanna let go..not even for a min,
i miss you talking to me which was so sweet at times,
i miss quarrelling with you on the phone but forgive me after awhile,
i miss you being angry while i think of alot of ways to make you stop,
i miss you carrying me on your back which i though you would do it forever till we are old,
i miss you singing to me on the phone with different love songs though it may sound funny at times, i miss you asking me if your hair was untidy and i told you that you were handsome enough to be my boyfriend,
i miss sitting down at the staircase with you where we had our sweet chats together,
i miss you accompany me home while you let me have ur shoulder to rest,
i miss watching movies with you where you always treat me and when it's a horror movie i get to get scared with you,
i miss having dinner with you, while i could see how cute you were when ya eating,
i miss sleeping on your bed which was so comfortable, i hope i wont wake up again,
i miss accompany you at your house while you played your games,
i miss having you by my side when im happy, sad or anything has happen,
i miss you when you always angry over small little things,
i miss treating you so nice and putting in all my effort,
i miss worrying about you when you never replied me any msges,
i miss thinking of you when you are overseas but will at least send me a good night msg,
i miss the sweet msges you send me last time, but were lies,
i miss saying i love you to you at night before i sleep,
i miss you replying i love you to me too,
i miss you saying im cute at times,
i miss you worrying about me when im sick,
i miss you asking me to sleep when you dont want me too,
i miss all your care and concern,
i miss you protecting me in my dreams every night, it's so sweet,
i miss you till i always recall the happy memories with you,
i miss you worrying about me when i go missing and you get mad at me,
i miss too much of you,
i wish i could keep on going with you,
all this will never happen again, i guess?
It's just like my msn nick, 佳业,还记得我们的爱情预约吗? But to me now, after seeing you so happy without me, i really feel guilty to be a bad gf, you look more happy when you like Shermin now, which i dont wanna compare. Jiaye, is it true nothing can change the fact that i love you and want you to know? I dont wanna force you but it's really hard for me sia. Teach me how can, hais. Will you ever read all this even if i gave you my link? Yet, here i go again, Jiaye, i really hope we could go back and i'll change to a better girl, a girl that you will love for life. I LOVE YOU REAL LOTS~ I wonder when can i get my answer? Im sick, im really sick, noone cares too. I'll still wait for your answer, wait for you to come back cause i know it is worth, i know you still want me back as your girlfriend, i'll wait. For now, im gonna collapse, im tired and hungry, but i have no appetite.JIAYE,I LOVE YOU!
Labels: I MISS YOU DEARLY~, Jiaye
Thursday, February 21, 2008 Y Thursday, February 21, 2008
It's been 1 week le since we broke up, today was a very long day, the day i told myself that i had to carry on working hard on letting go. Had F&N paper in the morning which was quite easy, after that was a sucky day, my head was spinning like mad but i act like it was nothing, had chemistry practical, spilt lead acid on my hand, it was like wth, hand went red but now okay le. I really had a bad morning, what to do? PE, i was looking far away from him playing basketball, improve le wor, while Jolene chatted with me over this topic again, i really can say im trying, all of you stop forcing me!T.T After that, lesson were too boring too, i fell asleep in class though a few peek of him too. Chatted with Charmaine too during CME lesson, after school i went AMK hub with her to get clips for herself and gossip ard, we talked over the topic too..Alot of stuffs we talked about. Went home at 2.15pm, ate lunch at home infront of the com while mapling, chatted awhile with melo den Jiaye's acc login.. but that wasn't him, it was jameston.. and i had a conflict with him online which leads to settling out at Jiaye's house downstairs with Him, Shermin and Jiaye. I rush went shower, packed my stuffs and took a cab down to find him. Reached in 15mins time and when they came down, i didnt know what to say. My mind went blank and nervous. But hope i could get my answer by today. Things were sorted out between me and Shermin, i told her, all the long i wasn't blaming her, just that i could face her and talked.She said i was a good friend to be made indeed while Jameston thing is that he said i lied too much. Im sorry if i did and made you think im so bad. Jiaye's things was the longest story, i really had too much to tell him after so long, and i get to understand what kind of things he mean to give in to me everytime, though he knew that i really had work hard, he's not sure where or why his feelings gone so fast, i knew it all the long, it wont be becos he had no feelings, the past was brought up too, Chee how's, YiXian's, Leon's, Ricky and Wenkai's things, i can say, i learnt my lesson and so patched with you back that time, becos i wanted to make my amendments. Jameston said he knew that i did put in my effort but love can't be forced, i know that too. He did said i was more thinner now, which was becos i didnt really sleep or eat well this days, my health is also quite bad lately. Sort things out with him, i did felt better, being his friend for now as the status between us is also weird, then Shaun and the other brothers came and i still had words to tell Jiaye so we went to a corner. I just told him i really needed a last hug from him, and when i hug him, i felt the sorrows and happiness all coming back to me, i burst into tears, i told myself it's time to tell him everything and let go for now. Though i admit, my heart was very pain at that moment, i had no choice, he heard what i wanted to say, i hugged him again and didnt want to let go when he tried to pull me off. I thanked Jiaye for giveing me this wonderful memories this 2 yrs and i was very sorry for being such a bad girlfriend. He promised me that if ever there's a chance of him getting his feelings back, he'll let me know but for now wants me to study hard. He said there are better guys out there, better than me. To me, he's already the best i can have and dont want more. I just promised him that, the next time he sees me, i'll be working real hard for 'O's and this relationship, i want him to know me again as another person and i wont let him down and hope what he promise me too. The last hug, i just said: Jiaye, i really love you truly and hope i can get another chance to amend, Bye for now for this relationship. and we went back to where the others were. Jameston and i are friends again, Jiaye and i.. are officially friends for now..and back to square 1 now. It's time for me to try very hard to let go becos i really love him. Aims are to get good results and worked hard to in the relationship plus get something good in return in the end of the roadcourse. Jiaye, i really believe in you, hope you wont break your promise cos i wont break mine! I will gambate de! Jiaye, Thanks for the memories, thanks for everything, i hope we will get back together some day if possible, no matter what i'll keep up with all the effort i did even if i'm letting you go for now. I still believe in what's mine will be return just like the kite. I won't tie you so tightly the next time and give you sufficient freedom you guys mostly need! You wait and see..i'll miss you dearly everyday!>.<Labels: i believe we'll be back tgt someday.., Jiaye
Wednesday, February 20, 2008 Y Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Day 5 of break up, i actually had alot of things to say yet, i forgotten to blog, maybe it's becos i'm still confused, yet i chatted with him on the phone at night. Everyone is still asking me to give up on you. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU!Chatted with bibi and Eric on the phone too. I really wanted to cry when i tell them about it.
Day 6 of break up which is today, i thought we still had a little chance, went to school with the same mood. Had chem test, which i totally went blank out, wasted studying. Social studies was next and the period i guess Jiaye was waiting for. Shermin will be in our class, Blahs~ Both also cant blame i blame who, is like i really had enough la, i thought shermin was a good friend of mine, now i have to rethink. Not because of this incident, i just feel that im nothing to all of you after Jiaye broke up with me. I just see Jiaye treating you so good, i envy and feel so heart broken. Jameston there making me feel that he's very happy that im in this state now. I dont want to blame either of you, but put urself in my shoe. You all don't understand how im suffer and getting over this few days. My mind is full of question wondering why is this happening to me. I really control my tears in class, dead broken after every tries to let you go. Cried finally during recess, i just had to let it roll down my cheeks. Didn't eat again in school, who cares? Since i'm already sick, had cramps too. Felicia and Michelle was there for me when i cried, share with them and i felt abit better. Though i really really want to study very hard and get into Ngee Ann next year, this thing is pulling me down. I promise Melo darl to not think yet it like i broke the promise. I really feel very down but what can i do. Everyone is laughing at jokes when i think it is stupid and never laugh, bet they think im crazy. I really hoped he could just have a good chat with me alone tgt. He never did, i dont even know whether to believe who. Class went on, depressed all the way. I just wanted him to know how depressing i was to not have him by my side now. After school, went out of class to find ling, in the end, i got into a fight with him when ivan said i was staring at him. Got very pissed and just pushed him down the rod, he still dare to laugh la, WTH! Here goes the worst part, he went out with Shermin, Jameston they all to meet up with Seah hui and Rosalin, to me is like none of jiaye's business he go for what? Just becos of Jameston or is it because of Shermin the crush that won me in this fight. I was really in the devastated mood at that time to just burst out all my tears, i just dont want this relationship to end like this, unvaild with just a reason of no feelings. This are ASSHOLES lah! Siti was there for me awhile, told me not to cry and get over it. It's hard i swear! I'm still trying no matter what but does he even notice me? Accompany her to find wen siu and get her stuffs and i ran off to find my mum cause i could control it anymore, saw Wenwei and he asked, i said nothing happen and left, crossed the road even though i knew they were there. The bus almost banged me but who cares~ I really was enduring all this pain to myself. He gave me those scary eyes, Shermin did asked me why i was so pissed yet i ignored her.Sorry but i wasn't in the mood to talk to you, and maybe you know why? Got on bus 76 and off to find mum, waited for her while Eric was talking to me on the phone. Mum then asked me did i cry and i said no to stop her from worrying. She asked what happen and suggested that she wants jiaye's mum no.? Omg, how? She just wanted to get my rights back, that was sweet of her la. Yet, noone understand my pain, agony and despair. Went home, maple awhile and leveled, changed and off i went to his house downstairs with his PSP. He told me he'll reached at 6+ and ended up at 8+. I had lots of words to say to you yet you just attitude me off like a nobody. I felt like slapping you man. You never went out with me till so late during school days and went out with THEM for so long? WTF! I waited for 3 1/2 hrs for you while i studied F&N and got a cold. If you were a man, you should feel touched la! 3+ HOURS EH! not 1 min! I'm having a headache now, tummy dont feel good too. You just pushed me away just now making me went insane for that moment and just took a cab home. I couldn't blame you, becos Rosalin told me that you were tired too, i gave in eh, i only wanted a hug for a min. Then you were like going get scolding le la.WTH! I wasted my time waiting is it? Everyone stop psychoing me to give up, i know it's useless if 1 party is in love only. I NEED TIME, PLENTY OF TIME! DAMN F*** STRESS UP THIS FEW DAYS~I wanna cry, guess i blog tmr~
Shermin, if you ever read my blog, i'm sorry if you think i hate you, but i don't, i just didn't want our friendship be like this over Jiaye. I dont blame you, i just blame myself for not being a good girlfriend to him. And if you ever like him, i can say GOOD LUCK and dont be so serious~ I dont mind if anyone hates me now cos it doesn't matter.
Jiaye, I can say i really put in all my effort this days to show you that i still care. Not because im not used but is really i have all my feelings just to you. I just wanted you to know that even if you hate me, bully me, or even kill me. Nothing matters, i just want your heart to be back. You aren't urself lately, im sure you just want to go out and play. Play finish pls come back can? I'll wait while i study hard and show you that i can put in all my effort because of you. Yet, i just to put a curse on you, from now on, your heart wont be able to pump properly, your perspiration wont have those enthu feelings anymore, the food you eat will never taste as good as ever, 30 yrs of bad luck and you will not have a successful relationship until the day you die and regret or come back to me before it's too late.
I DON'T FEEL WELL!FAINTS*
Monday, February 18, 2008 Y Monday, February 18, 2008
Today is the 4th day of the break up, woke up at 5.40 same time and wanted to tried waking jiaye up, yet he didn't answer but at least i still have done my work. Went to school which started off with Physics test, i did study but all of it had gone down to the drain, maybe it's because i can see him in class. He ignored me for half the day, maths lesson was when i was very down as Ms Lee asked me to answer the questions and i went blur when he turned his head and looked at me through the eyes. I wanted to cry yet i on hold to it, tried my best and answered the questions, I really miss his voice talking sweetly to me, his hug which is always so warm, everything about him was perfect for me, i just cant get used to now. I was msging Melodeon the whole morning, she just told me to dont care about him, i know i wanted to do that, but it's hard eh. Im really used to be with him le, just like im used to my own habit of using the com. Ms Lee talked to me after class after all of them went off for recess, i know that she knew what had happened which cause me to be more self-centre, she just didnt want to mention it out infront of me, she just said that maybe god is giving me a chance to excel the others, maybe that's why he left me and wanted to be off alone or be with a new relationship, since it's over just go forward, why linger around and be stuck. It's just like maths, noone is bad in maths even if you fail doesn't mean you cant be the best student in class, first you got 2/20 but the next test you got 6/20, that's call improvement. The most important challenge now is to study hard and get into a good poly not to be in a love relationship, if i got good results , i may get a higher salary next time which maybe more than him.
So though i lost Jiaye now, i know 1 day he will be back, he just need time, even if alot of people say that she like Shermin, i cant do anything what, it's not even Shermin's fault that Jiaye actually likes her. I can't blame Jiaye too, as his just not that mature in love or what, maybe his just strong on the outside but timid in the inside, you never know what his true side can be. He's always nice to me yet now he is acting like as if his the best person ever that i totally aint suitable to be with him. CRAP! I really felt like slapping him off his face and tell him: HEY, YOU LOST A VERY DEVOTED GF THAT REALLY LOVE YOU ALOT, DO YOU HELL GET THAT IN UR PATHETIC MIND? blahs~ it's just weird, i cant even dare to do it. I just want to be alone in class having a 1 to 1 teacher teaching me for this whole year. If only im rich and i could get a tutor to teach me, yet im poor! Got 28/50 for my chinese test, i admit i didnt worked hard for this paper as i was dead tired that day, just have to work even harder for the next paper!
Yupps, physics lesson, he pissed me off totally, i just told him i wanted to meet him today to just pass him his stuffs. Now he tells me that he's not free as he is going out with the BROTHERS today for movie, what crap come haolian say you got friend accompany you go watch movie la, Big Deal so what if im used to going to movies with you! Jameston ticked me off too, he asked some stupid question though i didnt hear properly but it goes, Eh, you think Zhiying or Shermin Better? and Jiaye replied was Shermin la, Of course~ WTF can! EH, EVEN THOUGH YOU ALL HATE ME, IM NOT TRANSPARENT, STOP HURTING OR BACKSTABBING PEOPLE BEHIND THEM, IT NOT VERY NICE AND YOU CAN GO TO HELL, SUCKA! blahs, though Jessie did say that he said so louder very bad eh, thanks anyway!
Went home walking with my beloved steady, LingLing, who is always there to listen to my sad story, she just said dont think about it le la, what is done is done, i cant even do anything what, i told her i wont blame it on Shermin but on Jiaye, to me is like Shermin wont ever like Jiaye de. He can just go dream on his whole life, told her that i was talking on the phone with shaun this few days too. She just kept consoling me not to be so sad le, now must study liao. Lols, i know that my dear, im trying to get used to it now, im still trying...
For now, i shall go finish up my maths homework and revise for Social Studies test tomorrow. i'll contiune tonight i guess..
Blahs~
Sunday, February 17, 2008 Y Sunday, February 17, 2008
Today is the 3rd day since Jiaye and i broke up, to him it's still seems like it's no big deal. Yet deep down in me, im bleeding like hell. Everyone is asking me to give up on him, since he don't want to cherish you, why hold on? Sighs, i could only share it with melodeon, my good darling maple friend, who always encourage me to stop thinking about it. She told me that, it's just like a kite, 1 day it will still be cut away by the string and if it's yours, it will surely come back to you. Time will show that all i did was not gone down the drain. Though i can't do anything now, i just hope he could still hear me out everytime. He won't come my blog to see this yet, i know that others who read this can help me tell him that I TRULY LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART! Mum is treating me very good this days after the broke up, maybe she knows that im really very sad but im just acting that im very strong in it. Every night since then i can't seems to sleep well, keep dreaming of him being with other girls and ditching me aside. What had i done to get this? Jiaye, is there no other way for me to amend u? How can u change ur feelings in just a day? You said you had a crush on Shermin but said it was a joke, other people tell me it's true?
I'm not sure la, but if it is really true, i can say im very disappointed in you. It's just like betraying a friend close to you. I'm trying my very best to get out of the misery of you, but you just seems to come back. Even if it is friends influence, brothers hating me. Loving a person doesnt need him/her to change, you wont even cared what your friends says about your bf/gf. So why u care so much, im really sick of this le. Just because i cant be perfect doesnt mean you have to ditch me in a stupid way by telling me, YOU HAD NO FEELINGS TOWARDS ME AND U ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ME! I feel like im really being toyed by you in this 2 yrs! You still said you really loved me 2 yrs ago, sweet msges from you making me so touched and trusted you all the long. Im not a toy for you to be toying around this 2 years, it's not even fun. I wondered why you asked me out on 11/2 and 12/2 to watch movie and said at that point of time you still had feelings towards me. It's pointless telling you now, cause nothing ever goes into your pathetic mind but play, finding new gf, explore more, having fun with your brothers and getting into troubles. You wont be able to understand how you ditch such a devoted girlfriend and will always wait for your stupid answer during 'O' lvl this year! You wait and see, though im really very slow in everything, i will try my best to get a good result and throw it at your face, just like how hard im trying to keep up the relationship this 2 yrs. You gave me the key to unlock my heart and kept it with you. I wont ever let such a wonderful bf leave me! What i swear is what i will do, i said i wont make new bf means i wont! So what if i dont get one, i dont lose out in anything only envy. Studies are more important now. GET THAT IN YOUR MIND! So, if i had this chance to tell you what i feel, GET IT IN YOUR MIND, I WONT EVER LOSE AND GIVE UP HOPE IN YOU, I WONT EVER LEAVE YOU, SO WHAT IF YOU THINK IM IRRITATING, I WANT MY LAST FINAL CHANCE WHICH YOU OWE ME!LOOKS WHO WILL BE LAUGHING AT THE END OF THE ROAD COURSE!
I, ZHIYING, WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON KOWJIAYE TILL I GET MY FINAL CHANCE DURING 'O' LVLS!
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU WHOLE HEARTERLY AND TRY TO BE THERE QUIETLY WHEN YOU NEED ME!
KOW JIA YE, YOU ARE MINE FOREVER, I DONT CARE!
